just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
