I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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