$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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