Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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