I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
