He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
