What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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