that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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