today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
