I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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