Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
