Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
