3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
