my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize