we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
