Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
