your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
