So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Pants are for mortals
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
