sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
