need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
