It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
