i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize