Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
