Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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