I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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