So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
