i just wanna soil my oats bro
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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