Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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