standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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