Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
