I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
