I puked a lego.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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