ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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