I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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