am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
