This is not my ceiling
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
