moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
