just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
