I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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