Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
