Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
