Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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