My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
