dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
