Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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