he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
