his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
