her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
