he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
