alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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