My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
