Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
