I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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