Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
