fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
