I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
