I'm lost and stupid without you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
why does every cop we meet know your name?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
