Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
