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I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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