trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You ruined the universe
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
