Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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