Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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