oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
