what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
