8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
