That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize