Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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