Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
