Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
