It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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